Dark Chocolate and Poker Chips

Believe it or not, this post has very little to do with food or games other than to serve as examples of the fact that life is better when shared. Poker is kind of obvious… it’s not exactly solitaire. You need at least one other person, more is preferable. But dark chocolate is perhaps less apparent in its connection to the topic. I love dark chocolate, but I only really enjoy it when I am eating it with someone else.

Two years ago, I couldn’t have imagined writing a post like this. I spent as much time as a lone wolf as possible. I planned to spend my life without a husband or even a big team. I prepared myself to live in comparative isolation and extreme conditions in the far north. Yes, I mean that completely seriously. I at least liked people; that was an improvement over high school. But the thought of spending my life in close relationship with people did not appeal to me.

Then I met David. He changed my mind in a lot of ways, but his friendship and understanding of me as a person brought the change in a way that didn’t feel like giving up myself. In fact, he makes me feel more like myself. I have someone to enjoy moments with, be they playing a game of Monopoly for almost an entire year or eating spinach like a rabbit (complete with scrunching noses).

I also have someone to make the hard moments less lonely, sting a little less. That’s been so very important during our relationship. We’ve been together since June, 2017, and in that time, we have experienced a significant amount of loss, financial difficulties, health difficulties, and the every day mundane things that just build up over time and weigh you down. I so greatly appreciate the opportunity to share such times with the person who knows me almost better than myself sometimes.

As I sit here writing, I notice another change in myself which reminds me of how I first knew I needed to live in companionship not isolation. What I noticed tonight is that I hate being home alone. I used to relish my alone time, and I suppose I still find moments of alone time very wonderful. But only moments. This leads me to the thing that told me I needed a companion. The night before I left for Russia in June, 2017 (yes, my husband and I started our relationship from halfway around the world), I completely fell apart. I loved traveling by myself until that time, but as David and I grew closer together, I knew for the first time in my life a friendship that soothed my soul very deeply. In that moment, I realized I I could no longer survive as a lone wolf. Someone else had joined with my soul and I couldn’t go back. I can’t go back. I love being married; I love the connection David and I have. Should God take him from me, I know He would sustain me, but I am so incredibly grateful for the time we have. I love, as crazy as it once would have sounded, being so connected to someone that I miss him when he isn’t here. I love that dark chocolate just isn’t the same without him and that poker chips only make me think of how much more fun life is with my husband than without him.