Writing With PTSD

I realized this afternoon when I sat down to upload my blog post that I am still very fragile at present. I hate to admit that, but I honestly nearly had a complete meltdown. See, I wrote out an entire blog post this morning and was all set to upload it, I just wanted to give it a cover picture. I apparently didn’t hit save and so the post that I was really excited about is now forever lost to the blog gremlins. I came home from work excited to be home a bit early, pumped that I had a blog post all set to go, and just all around ready for a good evening at home without the looming pressure of fitting in a blog post after a long day at work and trying to make dinner and do dishes and get quality time in with my husband. Now… well, I’m okay. But I wasn’t at first.

The thing is, there was something on the way home I thought, you know, I should share that. I already have a blog post written for today. I’ll make this thing tomorrow’s blog post. Apparently that wasn’t meant to be. So…

I started work last night on a new novel, or rather, series. It entails a journey back into the world I once knew and I already feel the weight of memories I wanted to leave behind forever. I still want to avoid the journey back, but yesterday, I prayed for a new idea, something that could turn into a series of novels. Pretty quickly, this idea formed and hasn’t let go. It would be nice if it did, but I know a journey into my past might help put some of the harsher memories to rest. Often, my journey with PTSD crosses this path, but I avoid it with all of my strength. Perhaps this is the next step in my healing process.

I very much need prayer as I embark on this journey and ask for your prayers. The first book is still in its earliest phases so I have very little to share as of yet, but please pray that as I write, my focus would remain on glorifying God and that in these moments where I feel most fragile, I would rely on His strength rather than my own.