Good Mornings Even With PTSD

It’s always nice to start the day on a good note.  I naturally wake up pretty early; I hate it because I dislike mornings.  Still, the fact that I wake up early benefits me in some interesting ways.  For example, the first time the bulk of people in my life see me in the morning, I have already been awake for a couple hours, had a cup or two of coffee and the morning grump has worn off to bring about my more agreeable personality.  That transition eases as the sun rises earlier and earlier.  For the time being, I get up before the sun, and that makes me bleary eyed and more grouchy first thing when I get out of bed.

This morning, though the sun still lingered under the horizon, I enjoyed a good start to my day.  Warmer temperatures already prevailed and I woke with enough presence of mind and time to start my day off in the Word of God before I even hopped out of bed.  Usually, it takes until I get to the car in the morning to think of anything other than putting one foot in front of the other.  I really enjoyed the extra energy this morning!

Part of me regrets not having that energy every morning, like I can somehow control whether I wake rested or not.  I thought about it though as I prepared for my day.  Last night, I fell into absolute discouragement.  Everything felt like a confirmation that I fail as a wife, except, that is, my husband.  He hugged and kissed me, made me dinner, helped me clean up the kitchen, watched one of my favorite movies with me, gave me oranges and chocolate, let me have time to just rest, told me I am a good wife, and gave me the freedom to get a bunch of stuff done just before bed to help me start my day out well.  He blessed me greatly in my distress, and I enjoyed very much the opportunity to watch him have fun as he worked on learning a new skill last night.

I still felt rough when I went to bed last night, but he helped me get the rest I needed to change my perspective.  I started the day out fresh because he loved me well.  He let God’s love flow through him and onto me.  If God chose to use a different source of encouragement, it would have worked just as well because it was God.  But I am so grateful He chose my husband.  He chose exactly the man I needed for exactly the right time in my life.

God used David even in the early days of our friendship to start an even deeper healing of my heart that He previously accomplished.  David’s knack for helping people with PTSD shone through even in the very earliest days of our connection.  He offered a safe place for my soul to release much of the pent up agony.  Flashbacks accompanied most of our early interactions and he cared for me in just the way I needed so that over time those flashbacks slowly diminished.  Though they exist, they come less often and usually last less time.

What has this to do with the nice start to my day?  A lot.  See, how I felt yesterday used to ALWAYS mean flashbacks, nightmares, and hypervigilance.  The cycle perpetuated itself over and over.  Sleep came hard and when it did, it didn’t last long.

Over time, God provided different means to calm my mind and my heart so I slept better and better, but He gave me a calming husband to help me come to a point where a sleepless night is a rarity and I wake more refreshed.  Nothing like starting a day having gotten more sleep in one night than I used to get in a week.  God is good.  No matter the circumstances.