Not every marriage is the same. Some couples are wired such that they really work best when they have a lot of separate activities. They don’t live separate lives as it were, but they work different places or have different ministries or spend a lot of time with their own groups of friends. They come back together in the evening and talk about their days and have dinner together. Sometimes this is a bad thing in that they really don’t have a life together, but truthfully, it’s more common. Even with families where one parent stays home, it’s uncommon that in a family where one or both parents work that both of them are home. These couples, in a healthy situation, like each other and are able to make each other a priority even though they aren’t together all the time.
My husband and I just don’t work well that way. Even though he works, he is able to do a good portion of his work from home and when he can’t work from home, I get to tag along with him a lot of the time. Sometimes that doesn’t work. Maybe I have plans with one of the ladies from our church or maybe he needs to be able to concentrate in a way he can’t do when I am there. By and large, though, we are able to do all of life, including work, together.
That hasn’t always been true. For his senior year in college, I was working outside our home to make sure he could focus on school. I am very grateful I had a job I loved because I couldn’t have kept working had it not been for that. Being gone all day and not being with him was not going well for me. Once the school year wrapped up and we moved, I was able to be home with him all the time. The past couple of weeks, we’ve had a lot going on that has kept us from being together like we normally are. When he has been home, he’s had to be very diligent about focusing on work because he’s been gone enough that he hasn’t had as much time as he usually does.
Yesterday and today we have been able to spend a lot of time together enjoying some of our favorite things but also getting shots he needs done for work. As we were driving around today, I realized I was able to sigh in contentment sitting next to my best friend. I just really like my husband. And not just romantically, though that does play a huge part in it. He’s really truly my best friend. I think one of the moments I knew that fact was obvious to everyone and not just me was when I received word that a really good friend’s brother had passed away. I fell to my knees and wept. My mom was there along with my husband. My mom rubbed my back but as soon as my husband reached my side, she stepped out of the way and let him do the comforting.
If I need to talk about something, he’s the first person I think of. If I’m sad, no human being comforts me the way he does. No one makes me laugh the way he can; he even has managed to make me laugh first thing in the morning. That’s quite the feat.
I like my husband as a person. I like to see how his mind works, especially on days like today where I get to be part of his work process. I just plain like being with him. Sometimes that means we’re focusing on being together, but often it just means we’re in the same room. I enjoy the open floor plan of our home so that most of the time we may be doing separate activities but we can still be in fairly close proximity to one another. And more than a year into our marriage, I still am surprised often at just how blessed I am to be married to someone that I don’t just love deeply and respect highly but like.
Every marriage is different and that is beautiful. It’s amazing how God brings people together who are so perfect for each other and meet each other’s needs. I love hearing other people’s stories and how their relationships work, but I like mine the best because it’s just exactly what I needed in a marriage. We have our insanely rough days; it’s not all sunshine and roses. But those moments serve to grow us closer together and remind us that we are not each other’s happiness, joy, or contentment. God is.