I Didn't Want to Write Today

Confession Time… I really didn’t want to write today. I started out the day with some vague excitement about writing, which was further carried along by a webinar I participated in this morning. But the truth is, I just didn’t want to write. It’s not that I don’t like writing. I love it. A lot. It’s not that I don’t have any ideas; I have plenty. Some I even like. It’s not that I don’t have time. I carefully arranged my schedule around being able to sit down and write for a while today.

Honestly, I just felt like a failure and a fake. Who do I think I am, sitting down at the keyboard day after day writing out whatever comes to mind and sharing it like you somehow care about the words I say? Especially when it seems so unfocused.

See, I’m having a hard time finding my niche when it comes to blogging. And really all things writing. I have a book idea that I love, but it fits with absolutely nothing I else I have written or am likely to write in the future. I don’t want to scrap it. I have worked hard on it trying to get it out of my mind and onto paper so it will leave me alone. And I figured it out today, it’s almost 400 book pages long. It’s been the culprit of many a sleepless night, the distraction of many a busy day. And if I pursue it, it’s likely to drive someone nuts because it will be the only one of it’s kind I ever do.

In terms of my blog… am I self-help, am I faith-based, am I tips for writers? I don’t know. It seems like everything has already been written, what do I have to add to it.

And thus, I sit here. Frustrated. Unsure. Timid as the protagonist in the aforementioned book. I’m a bit of a mess.

But then it hit me. I know I’m not the only who feels this way. It doesn’t matter what creative venture someone is pursuing, I’m pretty sure there is an element of nervousness tied to it. When someone puts their heart into something, it means that their heart can be hurt. Few, if any, of us like to be hurt. We prefer to stay comfortable when we can.

I’m writing a blog to find my niche, to stretch my writing muscles, and hopefully to be an encouragement when possible. I don’t have a ton of advice to offer; I’m still trying to figure out so many things for myself. But if I can be an encouragement, then it is worth it.

My encouragement to you: just be you. Write. Paint. Take pictures. Whatever your venture, do it. Your friends and family will love you no matter what. And you will find your niche. But only if you keep putting one foot in front of the other.